Pics or it didn't happen

So here is some wholesome and sanitary(Not really,it is bug infested) screen shot evidence of the reply I got:

Dairy Queen in my kitchen

I surprisingly received my reply much sooner than expected and so begins this fast-paced game of cat and mouse. You see, I would (not really) very much like to have a personal Dairy Queen located in my kitchen, but the customer relations is intent in dissuading me with phrases such as "needs higher traffic patterns" and "does not meet the criteria set by IDQ". And now the main feature, I post my efforts here to remain on the depths of the internet until the end of time:

Dear Dairy Queen,
Hello, I have long been a customer of Dairy Queen and have
often enjoyed your delightful frozen treats. In fact, I have
grown such a favor for Dairy Queen that I would like a store
for my personal home. It is of this desire that I request
for a personal Dairy Queen expansion to be added my home's
kitchen area.

I do not feel this would be a problem as I am not a
demanding nor picky person, and therefore the Dairy Queen
staff would not have to work signicantly harder to please
me. The personlized service could also result in more
productive performance, which would help increase
efficiency. This would also provide mutual benefits to all
parties as since I would not have to travel far to obtain my
favored DQ treats, this arrangement would also save me gas
money. Saving travel costs would allow me more money to
spend on DQ treats, thus increasing your profit.

Providing a personal Dairy Queen store for my kitchen would
also make for quite the impressive get-together s with my
neighbors and would boost my popularity ranking within the
neighborhood. This would be business-wise sensible for DQ as
all of the dinner parties I would have due to my new found
popularity would increase sales profits. My personal Dairy
Queen would also make for a stunning tourist attraction.

Imagine the originality of this, the only suburban house
with a Dairy Queen located in the kitchen. It would soon
become a popular hotspot for tourists and locals alike that
give a substantial income that would easily sustain the
costs of maintenance and more. I thank you for taking the
time to read my letter, and look forward to the prospect of
a (potential) Dairy Queen store being located in my kitchen.
With regards,
R. Limcaeh
The Reply:
Dear Mr. Limcaeh,

Thank you for contacting International Dairy Queen, Inc. (IDQ) with your
suggestion that a new Dairy Queen\256 restaurant be located within or
adjacent to your home's kitchen.

This is an unusual request, and I appreciate the time you took to
articulate the benefits of just such a location.

As you may know, the majority of Dairy Queen restaurants are independently
owned and operated franchises, so we must first be approached by a
prospective operator who would like to purchase or build a store in your
area.

Additionally, most Dairy Queen restaurants are situatated in high-traffic
areas to ensure the very best return on investment. It is likely that the
location you suggest, while iminently convenient to you, your family and
friends, will not meet the criteria set by IDQ for Dairy Queen restaurant
locations. However, I will pass your invitation along to our Franchise
Development Department for their information and future consideration.
Should there be any interest in your home as a potential site for a Dairy
Queen restaurant, you will be contacted directly.

If you or someone you know may be interested in owning a Dairy Queen
franchise, please visit our website at www.dairyqueen.com and select the
Own a DQ Arrow button at the bottom of the website for more information.
Again, the location would likely need to be one with much higher traffic
patterns.

Once again, thank you for taking the time to contact us with your
suggestion for a new Dairy Queen restaurant within your home! I am sorry
that there isn't a location closer to you at this time.

Best Regards,

Carolyn




Carolyn Kidder
Senior Consumer Relations Manager
INTERNATIONAL DAIRY QUEEN, INC.
Message 2:
Dear Carolyn,
Thank you for taking the time to review my request and to respond. I understand the abnormality of my desire but also must stress the importance of thinking outside the box when it comes to business.

I couldn't help but notice that you are a Senior Consumer Relations Manager. Now surely one doesn't earn an esteemed position such as that by doing only what every one else did and settling for average or below results. Even Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”

After reviewing the history of Dairy Queen, it also comes to attention that a key factor to success was that it pioneered food franchising, doing something
that had been unheard of. I hope you agree with me that there is no sense waiting until a competitor such as McDonald's implements this concept.Now is the
chance for Dairy Queen to gain an advantage!

Referring to your position again, you must have worked hard to attain it and that is the key to success. We both have ambition and I'm sure if we worked together, my idea could be an amazing success. As I previously stated, even the novelty of a personal DQ store would attract business as being something unique. All we need to do is put in the effort to make it work.

A perceived low traffic rate is only speculation thus can not be completely accurate. Who knows, this maybe this could even be the future of the industry, with personal restaurants becoming commonplace for the future homeowner."Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attractions."-ALbert Einstein
With that, I ask that you reconsider my offer for a personal Dairy Queen expansion to be added my home's kitchen area.
With regards,
R. Limcaeh
Reply 2
Dear Mr. Limcaeh,



Thank you so much for your follow-up e-mail! I am so sorry for the misunderstanding. I did not say your offer would be disregarded, what I did say was that most locations considered have a much higher traffic pattern than that found in a kitchen in a private home.



I did promise that your offer would be forwarded to our franchise development group for their information and consideration, and if there were any interest in pursuing your kind offer, you would be contacted directly. It is the franchise development group that evaluates locations for potential franchise owners.



Additionally, we do need to have someone who is interested in purchasing a franchise before a restaurant would be developed. Again, if you are interested in purchasing the franchise and developing the restaurant, you may be able to work with the franchise development group regarding locating the restaurant in your kitchen.



I hope this helps clarify our correspondence!



Regards,



Carolyn



Carolyn Kidder

Senior Consumer Relations Manager

International Dairy Queen, Inc.

Interesting, I could work with the franchise department to get a Dairy Queen in my kitchen. Now I want to see someone who seriously wants a home Dairy Queen actually try this. I wonder what the results would be but this is as far as I'm willing to go since realistically, I would want no such thing in my kitchen. I do recommend though that someone who honestly wants one try it, just make sure to tell me what happens.

Something inDifferent

Venture #1: I must admit, I was mostly inspired (apart from other reasons I won't go into) to create this blog after reading Letters From A Nut and also the various stunts of David Thorne, the guy who tried to pay with a drawing of a spider. So for my first attempt at something similar, I am going to write to Dairy Queen. I am going to inquire as to how far they will go to make a satisfied (potential) customer. If I get a response, I will be sure to post it, so be checking for any updates. Until then, enjoy my delightful artwork
PS. Checking someone for headlice does not make a good icebreaker. For some reason, strangers are often insulted when you suggest that they have headlice, almost like they don't want the little pets. Go figure.

Toast Post

Musing:
I suppose you thought I was lying about my favorite pastime, so I set out on a quest to prove wrong all of the fictitious naysayers (and those little goldfish that won't engage in conversation when you attempt to talk to them) and to enlighten you all on the benefits of toast.
Quote from wikipedia," Toast is sliced bread which has been browned by exposure to dry heat.Toasting warms the bread, making it more pleasant to eat for some, and makes it crisp such that it holds toppings more securely."
This is the magic that allows such a wonderful hobby as buttering drawings of toast to touch the hearts of millions! You will also be pleased to know that I have also authored a brilliant tutorial on how to enter into this engaging hobby here.
I also intend to sell this piece of art on eBay for those looking to get started on their collection, so keep posted for future entries and I will announce when it is available.
Fear not as this blog is not solely about buttering toast artwork, and this concludes my discussion on the topic. <--That marks the end of posts with a toast theme. <--This statement is not the end of the post, this one is.<-- That one was the end.
PS. Friends are not amused when you get them fired so that they have more time to spend with you. Actually, I have found this makes them have less time available because they often get more dentist appointments and have to wash their dogs more often.

Order Up

It seems my comment about buttered toast drawings left some puzzled readers confused. Unfortunately, I am not explaining it to those who inquired in this post. However I will comment that my buttered toast drawings are indeed real. Naturally, my drawings are intensely interesting and do manage to captivate many spectators (for better or worse) at my neighborhood block parties. Yes sir, my buttered toast has even earned such revered comments as "That toast is quite buttered" and " That is, um, quite charming". But as I explained earlier, you will not witness this marvel for now as I have not yet prepared a lesson plan on the complexities and value of toast. So to tide you over until my next entry, you can stare at this text and pretend it is a remarkable piece of fine art. Please feel free to also email me your own toast artwork while you wait for the arrival of my next entry.
PS. It is not a good idea to use your oven as a kennel for your dog. My dog did not enjoy when I baked cookies while he was asleep. Go figure.

Entering dementia

Disclaimer--- Reading may cause various symptoms of insanity including lost time, increased reading skills, perplexing thoughts and for the lucky ones-- rabies.
As I engage in my first blog post ever in the history of the universe--Doesn't that sound epic? Almost as epic as the word epic implies it to be-- I will begin by saying that dashes --maybe this would be easier to read if I used quotation marks. Or better yet, I could use dashes and quotation marks to one-up myself-- can be a fun way to waste your time. After all, we all know the real reason I made this blog--(Besides showing my drawings and boasting of my incredible skills at buttering toast-or better yet, buttering my drawings of toast. See that? I made good on my promise of more quoations and dashes)-- was to waste the time of you, the reader. Doesn't that just make you feel special that some stranger cares about you enough to waste your time?
-
With introductions -- oops, I just typed that whole last sentence without including any interruptions or dashes. Don't feel bad though because I remedied that problem by included this extra dash(-)-- out of the way, now I can get to the juicy, raw, undercooked and e.coli-filled meat of this post. The real purpose of said blog is to show my drawings/cartoons to anyone who is interested or even slightly cares--which most likely is no one-- to read. Don't hold me --(This sentience oregonly contanned a speeling erer butt wuz fiksed cuz speelin errorrs arr unprofesionel)-- to that though because I will probably get bored/sidetracked of that soon. The End (or the beginning?)

PS. After an intervention by caring individuals who I will not name (looking at you, unnamed caring individual #1), I am proud to announce I am now enrolled in the (fictitious) Dash-a-holics Anonymous and getting pro-fession-al help- for my dash problem.